Asking “Birds” Better Questions Helps Conversations Fly High

“How’s it going with the empty nest?” “What are you up to with the kids gone?” “Now that you have so much time on your hands, can you....”  Hold up. I wish had a dollar for every time this question/assumption has come my way in the last six months.  Sending kids off to college – or whatever their next step may be out in the big, wide world – seems to trigger this line of questioning which rates up there with “when are you two going to get married?” to “when are you having kids?”Questions like these mostly mean well, but tend to fall flat on the recipient. While the questions about “marriage and baby” fall clearly in the “none of your business” category, as a communication consultant I’d like to use this moment to help us all ask better questions of Mama (and Papa) birds.It is lovely to have people interested in one’s life changes, but I pose that focusing on “empty” instead of “full” might be going at the topic from the wrong direction.  After all, didn’t people live full lives before having kids? What might be a better way to approach people in a new phase of life?Interesting conversations can be instigated by taking a moment to ponder the opening question.  Asking about a favorite restaurant, a project at work that is exciting or seeing if the person has a recommendation for a podcast, book or movie allows your conversation partner to share something other than what is “missing” in their life. Focusing on the “full” provides an open door for the person to share their current passions.  My kids will always be top of mind, yet giving me an opening to share something from another facet of my life is incredibly refreshing.It is indeed important to check in with friends and colleagues as they start a new phase of life, whether that be moving to a new city, starting a new job or yes, having the bathrooms remain clean and the beds always made.  Investing in relationships is a good thing! With just a few moments of thought in advance, you can ask a mama or daddy bird a question that will help the conversation fly high.Final point to consider: is the nest REALLY empty when the pandemic puppy is still around?